Nobody could ever have told me just what a roller coaster ride this new pregnancy would have been - I just have to travel it and do my best emotionally.
Just over a week ago, I had the most anxious week yet. I was so worried because I didn't feel "Spark" moving around like normal. (My fellow Girl Guide leaders have nick-named Baby Spark b/c they think it will be a girl...a boy would have been named Scout) I was worried enough as it was, just over all the unknowns that could happen, but when I noticed a definite difference in movement times, locations where the baby would kick, and a decrease in large movements to smaller ones I panicked. This happened Monday morning, through the day and into Tuesday.
I finally got enough courage to call the hospital, and of course since I finally admitted it out loud to myself and others I was really upset. My doctors and nurses up until that point had freely told me to come in to hear the heart beat if I was worried. I was counting on that and maybe more when I called in on Tuesday morning. I was so anxious I couldn't even work or focus on anything else. Anyways, I called in and was talking to a nurse I had never met before. I told her how I was worried that there was a decrease in large movements and I was worried that the baby was in some sort of distress. What did she do? Nothing, except to try and calm me by telling me that the baby was fine as long as I felt any sort of movement (6 movements) in 2 hours. I even told her that my previous baby had died and that I was worried something was happening again. But all that she told me was the same, and that if I was still anxious later that day to call back and I could come in.
Well, thanks to a co-worker who walked in when I was in tears I felt a bit better for the rest of the day, and since I WAS feeling movement I was able to keep myself in check. However for the rest of the week my mind was in a fog. I had an u/s appt booked for the Friday and I was looking forward to that.
Friday finally came. Baby's heart rate was 144, down from in the 150's. Baby was measuring just over 3 lbs, bang on the 50th percentile in growth. (I was surprised at this b/c Ethan was such a big baby - 9 lbs, 14 oz at 8 days overdue.) There was nothing wrong, baby was doing just fine. The reason for all the different and decreased movement? Spark had switched from head down, into a breech position, with the head and feet up! Spark was folded up like a bobby pin!! Imagine my relief.
Until after all my Friday appointments were over, I didn't realize what a fog I had been in, and how internalized my thoughts have been. I felt like I could see people so clearly again, and really pay attention to them again. One thing I didn't forget to mention during the appt was my disappointment in the reaction to my phone call. Both the nurse and doctor validated my feelings and told me that if it ever happened again to ask to speak to one of my two usual nurses, and my doctor told me to just take charge and tell them to expect me shortly. Something, I might add, that is not easy to do in the midst of an anxiety attack.
So, now I have been feeling for Spark on a regular basis and recognizing the little movements to be stretches, pokes, kicks. I'm pretty sure Spark has turned somewhat b/c I feel kicks in my ribs all night when I wake Spark up with coughs or with tummy rumblings while getting an early morning snack. :) I think Spark has turned back into the fetal position and is laying diagonally now, with head partially down on the left and feet up on the right. I feel so in tune with Spark and love imagining what Spark will look like at birth.
At this point I don't care if I have to have a c-section or if I deliver vaginally, although I would prefer the latter. All I'm hoping for in the next several weeks is for Spark to continue to be healthy and active and for a healthy baby to be placed in my arms at the end of January.
Some belly shots, as promised, and some pics of Spark 1 1/2 weeks ago! (Well, the belly shots and other pic will be delayed due to errors with uploading. Maybe tomorrow...) This is of Spark looking directly at the scanner, eyes closed. I really wish my hospital had 3D. :)
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